I love this cartoon by Martin Shovel – this is what I’ve always thought every time I’ve seen one of those Baby On Board stickers. I’ve always wondered if they really are a proven crash deterrent.
This cartoon could be a metaphor for attitudes towards the childfree at the moment, what with these study findings suggesting that people feel moral outrage towards those who decide not to have children, and the shitstorm that Sarah Silverman sparked by saying that not being a mother was her way of living “her fullest life”.
It would help every category of non-parent if society found a way to stop perpetuating the notion that people without children are intrinsically less fulfilled. Why can’t our culture just respect the fact that some people can’t have children and some people just don’t want children, for whatever reason? Not to mention the people that shouldn’t have children.
I wish we could let go of this fallacy that the mere fact of producing children somehow bestows moral superiority and “completeness”, and that the childfree are lacking in comparison. The author of the Indiana study insists that “these perceptions have absolutely no basis in reality,” but what will it take to get that message out there?
These stickers were NOT originally designed to alert the emergency services to the presence of an infant in the event of an accident, by the way.
That cartoon is great! I will admit I found that study a little shocking. I always knew people thought it was an unusual choice for a married couple to remain child-free but I never realized they felt it was a moral issue? That just makes no sense to me. As a child-free person couldn’t I make the argument that it’s morally wrong for people to create new children when there is such a surplus of unwanted children in the world who need to be adopted? Or that it’s morally wrong to add even more people to a planet that is already suffering from being overpopulated? It can work both ways but how much easier would it be if everyone could just accept the choices of others?
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Yes to every single word of this!
Sarah (Infertility Honesty) had a placard made that says “Infertile on Board” which she proudly displays in the back window of her car. 🙂
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“The author of the Indiana study insists that “these perceptions have absolutely no basis in reality,” but what will it take to get that message out there?” Anyone care to join me as I scream it from the rooftops? 🙂
Also in reference to the cartoon, I got into a car accident last week (everyone is fine) and it was indeed my fault from an insurance standpoint, though it was deemed just an accident by the police. However, the woman in the other vehicle proceeded to yell at me and tell me she had her kids in the car. I couldn’t believe it. I was on my way to the hospital to visit my mother when the accident occurred but kids trump all. As remorseful as I felt about the accident I just wanted to tell her it’s not as if I saw a car with kids and thought ‘yep, I think I’ll smash into them today.’ End rant!
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I was thinking about this illustration I saw on your blog from a few months ago. I’m glad you re-posted it. I’m going to print this illustration and slap it on my car. Amazing.
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The cartoon is hilarious but sad…I have no answers for you…but recognizing the lunacy in the statement is a step in the positive direction. To all those “judges”…Stop!
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I have always hated those signs. I truly don’t understand them. Like someone is going to be more careful because there is a baby in the car vs, say another (gasp!) HUMAN BEING?!?!
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OMG, yes. YESYESYES. I hate those signs. I actually received one from brothers I’d had as students inside a diaper cake, and I threw it out. Because I find them obnoxious. I also like when the T-Rex eats the stick family or there’s zombies eating the stick families. Those are terrible too.
I love Sarah Silverman, and I think what she said was fantastic — but am not surprised that a woman saying NOT being a mother is a way to live the fullest life invoked a shitstorm. I wish like you said that everyone would just accept everyone’s different life and their feelings on it and not feel the need to be like, WHAT? How can you have a full and rewarding life without children? Sacrilege. I have friends who chose not to have children and they are constantly being told “you’ll change your mind” as if their choice isn’t a valid one. And I have a friend who tried to have kids and it didn’t work out but everyone just assumes that she didn’t want them and she’s “selfish.”
If everyone could just butt out of life decisions and respect alternatives to their own choices, life would be so much more civil.
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Jess-
I totally have the sticker of a masked Jason chasing after the stick figures with a chainsaw that says “Nobody area about your stick figure family” on both my cars. I hate those stick people too. Even the cooler “Star Wars” ones.
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**Nobody cares
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Ha I love it Charlotte!
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LOVE IT! The Star Wars ones are pretty cool, but not enough to entice me to get one! 😉
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I just had a conversation with a woman who was somewhat ambivalent on the whole subject and I was like, hey, if you want a kid, hurry up and get off the fence but if you don’t, sounds like you have a perfectly content life without them. I admire people who have the sense to leave well enough alone.
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Sarah at Infertility Honesty got her own sign made for her car. I think it was Infertile on Board! It’s funny though – I just saw a Baby on Board sign the other day, and mentioned how insulting it is to my husband, the inference being that we’d be more careful following a car with babies on board, than we would with nurses or teachers or lively eight year olds or frail old people (I’d be far more careful if I knew they were driving!) or, or … or …
I am with you on this. I just don’t know how we can change it.
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Snickering at the cartoon because I recently had an old quote resurface on Facebook that I said years ago about seeing a person driving erratically with a baby on board sign. As in, don’t crash into me, but I’m not going to actually drive carefully to protect the inhabitants of the car.
It’s an excellent question. I’ve never understood how one person’s experience of having or not having children impacts another person’s life. Why we’re so interested in telling others how they should feel about their family or home life.
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Haha. I never saw that cartoon before. Love it. Thanks for coming over and following my blog. My blog is not about infertility or my choice to remain childfree, but I have shared my story there. I don’t now if your followers will read this comment, but I can tell you that all those ignorant and rude comments stopped for me as I grew older. If I had kids, they’d be in college now. So, people my age have kids in college and don’t really care about if I have kids or not. They still ask, but because their kids are no longer at home, there are now more inquiries as to why we don’t have any. Their nest is just as empty as mine is now. The only difference is they get to have family gatherings and holidays (Christmas, birthdays, etc) with their grown kids.
If you didn’t see it, I posted about my choice to remain childfree some time ago. I’ll put the link below in case you are interested. Because the post is so old, the comments automatically close, but you can always comment here if you’d like. Thanks again for checking out my blog.
https://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/daily-prompt-the-road-less-traveled/
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I see my comment says “there are now more inquiries” and that was supposed to read “there are NO more inquiries.” Boy, talk about a goof. 😛
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Ha Lori no worries: I actually did read it as “no more” – one of those things the brain does if the context suggests it.
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Thanks Lori. I love hearing all perspectives and seeing what people’s lives are like even if being childfree is not the focus of their blog; I find inspiration from the fact that their lives are as interesting and/or ordinary as anyone’s… I read your piece at https://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/daily-prompt-the-road-less-traveled/. Really lovely writing. I like this: “Not many choose the sharp left curve from Trying-to-Conceive Boulevard, onto Childfree Street.” So true. You express things very well, especially those things that ‘outsiders’ can rarely grasp, like “The idea of going through the ups and downs of the adoption process in order to start a family felt like switching on the emotional roller coaster all over again”. Also love the quotes from your earlier post; I’d actually never heard this one:”If you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.”
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Hi there. Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing. I could tell you some nightmare stories of what happened while I was trying. We were basically estranged from one side of the family for a while. I couldn’t be around pg women until I grieved, and that side of the family hated me for it. Of course, because there was a pg women in the family. If anyone would’ve given me an inkling of compassion, I could’ve been there. The good news is, all that has passed, and life is good now. Thank you for writing about this subject. With all the many “causes” people feel they need to fight, this is one that no one recognizes.
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Hi Lori, so sorry to hear that. It’s an invisible, unacknowledged, disenfranchised form of grief that only ‘insiders’ can relate to. It provokes such disdain in onlookers, even family – it never ceases to amaze me. I’m glad life is good now and it always helps people going through it to hear that, so thank you!
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Lori, I hope you don’t mind me butting in here, I just wanted to say that your post was beautiful and heart felt and I think you captured the whole essence of trying, deciding and moving onwards so gently and wonderfully – it really is a journey that those who have never participated understand the depths of. Thank you so much for your link 🙂
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Hi Bamberlamb. I don’t mind you joining in at all. I put the link there so anyone could read it and comment if they felt they needed to. Thank you for your kind words about what I wrote. It’s always nice to know that some people do understand and that we are not alone. Hope you are having a nice weekend.
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My own dad hates those Baby On Board signs. A long time ago, way before my experience with infertility, I remember him complaining about them saying, “Oh sure, I don’t have a baby on board so feel free to plow into me.”
Like Jess above, I also like the T-Rex stickers eating the stick families. Hahaha.
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I love that they irritate everyone!
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I literally saw a fake baby stapled to a board in someone’s back window the other day. It was a nice change, I lol’ed.
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Ha I’d love to have seen that
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I love the cartoon! I’ve often been riled seeing those ‘baby on board’ signs in cars, and usually mentally change them according to the person in the car ‘moron on board’ if they’re driving like a complete chump, or ‘braindead on board’, ‘bimbo on board’ and so on – give it a go 😉
I don’t get the general misunderstandings in society regarding not having children. I’ve met many other people who are child free by choice as well as not by choice. I’ve had people (ok, parents) insinuate I mustn’t have ‘tried hard enough’ as I didn’t go through the whole adoption process. I love explaining to these people that adoption is all about the child, not about my needs.
I think I’m going to draw a stick people sign with a large hammer squishing them saying ‘flat out for the little people’ or something similar… hmmm… is that bad of me? 😉
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Not bad at all….
I like “moron on board” by the way: it’s my personal fave
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“What will it take to get that message out there?” I guess society needs more strong, happy and “complete” childless/-free women that demonstrate how nonsensical this is. As long as there is just a tiny bit of insecurity or vulnerability inside us, it’s like people could smell it and pity us for not having children. In a way it only confirms what they already think. I have read from women who grew up having childfree/-less aunts around them – it is completely normal to them that you can be happy and fulfilled without kids! So my guess is that it’s a question of role models. We need more of them! Or otherwise, we need to talk about them a lot more…
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You’re 100% right Elaine. I think that if people mostly see grieving childless women (equally valid, of course!) then pity will be the default reaction; I suppose more resolved childless/childfree women will have to get their voices out there to tip the balance.
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Love the sign! I’ve seen two stick figures (man & woman) along with a pile of money bags. Which made me laugh on one hand, but also perpetuates the stereotype that people without kids have scads of money. :p
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Oooh I like that one though!
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I would love to have that “Infertile on board” sign lol, wondering what people would react to that. But now, since I don’t have a car, I won’t really have to think about it. I wonder why if cars don’t have children in it, would life of adults inside these vehicles won’t matter like it’s okay if they got into an accident or anything like that. Lately I have unfollowed Beyonce on Instagram, I mean I love her, but the pregnancy thing and all her status just cause me so much sadness lately.
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Hi Claire I agree re Beyonce, I definitely would not be able to put up with all that stuff either…
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Having a good laugh at this cartoon. Absolutely made me day. Brilliant. 😂
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Seriously. I love the cartoon and totally agree with you. Good parents are great. But simply having a child does not automatically make someone a good person.
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I love that! If you have time, check out my latest blog post at https://tootinghustle.wordpress.com/2017/04/10/is-it-mum-or-mom/ and let me know what you think! Dont forget to leave me a comment 🙂
Happy Blogging x
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Such a great cartoon! I think this each time I see one of those signs!
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Love it!
Please check out my blog:
https://bathofcolours.wordpress.com
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I feel like the buzzkill here by pointing out that the “baby on board” signs are actually designed for fire and rescue in case of an accident in which the parent is incapacitated and can’t alert them to the presence of a baby.
With that said, I found the piece interesting. I’m a parent, but have many married friends who have chosen not to have children. They’re judged all the time for their decisions. It’s fascinating that not having children is looked down upon, but having a freaking litter (especially when not cared for properly) is completely acceptable.
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Thanks Matthew, I have always wondered if that’s what the signs are for; I suppose the horrible pink “Princess on Board” ones just morphed from this original purpose. It’s always interesting to have a parent’s perspective: cheers for that
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Women have this right, I support ya. 🙂
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I do find this funny because I thought the very same thing as a married woman without kids. And as a teenage driver.
However, as a mom now I have one major different thought. Watch out for a distracted erratic driver.
You don’t know how much sleep that driver hasn’t had or if there is a screaming baby on board that could cause a parent to be reaching or looking in their mirror not at the road or you but that distraught baby who could be a major distraction.
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That’s interesting – so watch out for the cars that have this sign, as it might signal an erratic driver… I hadn’t thought of that; thanks for the perspective!
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The baby on board sign is actually for in the event of an accident, first responders can make sure no child was thrown from the vehicle and or tend to the child/children first.
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Hi Claire I agree re Beyonce, I definitely would not be able to put up with all that stuff either…
You don’t know how much sleep that driver hasn’t had or if there is a screaming baby on board that could cause a parent to be reaching or looking in their mirror not at the road or you but that distraught baby who could be a major distraction.
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Beyonce definitely went a bit haywire with the fertility goddess thing..
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They actually put the signs in the cars so the EMT will know which car to go to first in a wreck because babies have much shorter survival windows.
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So do you know what those signs are really for? Once upon a time there was a really bad car accident. The emergency crew got the people out and rushed them to the hospital in time. Only they didn’t realize that there was also a baby in the car. Both parents were unconscious and unable to let them know. They figured it out eventually but it was too late… that is why we put those stickers on our cars.
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Thank you for that, Tera’s Mom.
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FYI:
“It is common belief that the sign was created so that, in the event of an accident, the emergency workers would know to look for an infant.
“I’ve never heard that theory before,” said Paul Maxwell, a paramedic with thirty years’ experience who runs a child injury prevention organization. “I surveyed my crew and everyone thinks it’s to warn people to be extra cautious driving behind so as to not crash into them.”
And they are right.
Michael Lerner had the idea of marketing the sign in 1984, right after he drove his 18-month-old nephew home. He realized people were impatient at his driving:
“People were tailgating me and cutting me off,” he says. “For the first time, I felt like a parent feels when they have a kid in the car.”
(from https://qz.com; also confirmed by the Interweb in general)
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I love this post!
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While I DO have children, I appreciate your perspective. I do try hard not to judge, but it is human to at least judge sometimes. A person who chooses not to have kids would never be one I would though. There are too many neglected kids out there (not that you’d be neglectful per say) but if you KNOW it’s not right for you…more power to you! There are also too many people who don’t know what they want until it’s too late, like at the end of my marriage. I wish you well!
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Thanks Lindsey, you too
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I’ve always thought those signs were just a way of proud parents telling everyone they have a baby because they think its the most wonderful thing ever, even though no one outside their family actually cares. I’ve thought of them as pointless, but no more so than a bumper sticker of your favourite club or sports team. I’ve never interpreted them as a “please drive more carefully than you normally would because we are now more important than anyone else due to this baby we have”. Maybe some people intend it that way when they put it up. but I would still assume most are just showing off.
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I imagine they probably are just showing off… I have thought the other thing a couple of times though
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Well said. My wife and I weren’t even sure we wanted kids when we were first married. But then we decided it was an experience we wanted to have. It’s definitely not for everyone but there does seem to be a mindset of people who feel the meaning of life is to reproduce. Give me a break, because that’s how you end up with people having children and neglecting them. The meaning to life is to do what makes you happy and for some that’s having kids and others it’s not.
Again, a well-written piece and I love the cartoon haha.
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