This is one of those rare articles about a couple who went through IVF, experienced failure and loss, and eventually decided not to pursue parenthood. No need to scan the piece for the baby picture at the bottom – it didn’t happen. It’s eloquently written and heartfelt.
The writer offers some poignant insights:
Saying ‘no more’ changes the way other women perceive me; I cannot possibly understand their life. I envy the mess, the learnings, the struggles, the joy, the laughter and the love they have. They envy my clean sofa, beautiful artwork and long lie-ins.
I wish I’d been able to articulate the following when a couple of friends almost congratulated me on having a miscarriage at 38:
For those on the outside, miscarriage can seem like a stepping stone. “You can get pregnant, this is great news! You can try again and next time it’ll work!” For us, miscarriage was different. Our only option for having a family is fertility treatment. Relaxing, letting everything go and trusting in the universe will not result in a pregnancy for us.
It isn’t too common in Ireland to read a story like this: huge respect to Ruth McKenna for putting it out there.
I wanted closure… I was so, so tired of waiting and hoping and praying for a life that might never be realised …. I’ve chosen to share my story because I want to shake off the taboo, the shame around infertility and miscarriage. It doesn’t serve any of us. My hope is that my story offers comfort to those who have been in my shoes.
From Irish Independent May 16 2017 10:20 AM