Samantha Walsh’s blog (above) came to my attention when I recently spotted one of her pieces entitled ‘The Tragic Cost of Failed IVF’. Samantha was in a fifteen-year relationship that broke down under the strain of fertility treatment.
Despite being ‘utterly destroyed’ at the time:
I felt hopeless and didn’t think I’d ever feel happy again
she bounced back and is now starting up a network for non-mums.
I’m probably the opposite of Samantha – at 41 she’s still an Ibiza party animal and a regular clubber – but I like her zest for life and her resilience, and I find her story and her blog inspirational.
One piece I really liked was this one, Let It Go, in which she describes her decision to stop treatment, and its aftermath.
The decision to stop was far, far harder than the decision to start. Starting something, whilst scary as you step into the unknown, is accompanied by optimism, excitement, anticipation. Stopping is an admission of failure. It’s final.
She eventually has an epiphany and her entire attitude towards her situation changes. It’s very hard to answer the question ‘when will I feel OK again?’, but I love the way she presents her own experience of this.
It’s usually an ‘organic’ thing that just happens naturally, one day.
Keep in mind that when you’re ready the world will tilt on it’s axis and your entire perception of it will change. Then you will truly know that you can find peace and be happy.
And then you let it go: you realise that hankering after the thing can only make you miserable.
As Samantha says:
I try not to dwell on what might have been and have found purpose in other areas of my life, such as travelling and blogging about my experiences of being a childfree woman.
Finally, life is good again.