I kind of needed an article like this one today – even if it was in the Daily Mail, and a blatant sales pitch (Marie Helvin’s new lingerie range!) disguised as clickbait – because I’m having a severe pre-Christmas slump and wondering what the point is. I’ve had forty-four Christmases and with no one to put on a big show for, I’m feeling 100% over it.

I’ve got a kind of abstract, non-specific depression that the claustrophobic onslaught of Christmas is exacerbating. It’s not directly connected with my lack of family, although Christmas is terrible for making people feel worse if they don’t conform to the norm. It might also be hormones, I should point out.

I know if I had kids I’d be twice as stressed with it all. It’s more like: do I really still have to buy into this bullshit? Like Helvin, I feel like strolling along the Champs-Elysees instead of pulling overpriced crackers  (more in a metaphorical sense).

It’s the first time I’ve felt like eschewing Christmas entirely: do you just get too old for it if you don’t have kids?