Some people see the headline or the picture that comes with an article about infertility and they don’t even start reading: they just scroll right down to the end without stopping. They’re looking for a clue that shows how the story finishes.
They might not be looking for the happy ending that the next person is looking for, but they are looking for a happy ending all the same.
I know this because I read the comments under an article in the Guardian a couple of months ago called ‘IVF: ‘It’s overwhelming and shocking at every single turn‘.
The article has a photo of a contented-looking couple at the top, so you start to read it thinking, ‘Ah! A rare story about a couple who failed fertility treatment but are clearly living a happy life without kids’. Inspiring.
You feel validated: this is about to affirm that all is well with your path in life. Thanks, Guardian, for once.
But there’s a niggle and you scroll down. There it is, the final photo: they’re now a family of four with twin daughters.
So you skim it, or abandon it, because it negatively challenges your own narrative, reminds you that you gave all that up. Failed. Took a different road.
Shove it, Guardian.
You couldn’t find anyone, out of the thousands who ended up without the family?
I’m not some kind of misanthrope. I counted at least twenty-five people in the comments section who said they felt the same.
No one blamed the family; no one wanted to take away their happy ending. But some of them, for reasons of self-preservation that others might scoff at, thought that the second photo should have been at the top.
And for a while that day I marveled, because I had honestly thought I was alone: scrolling down, fast-forwarding and page-flipping, seeking out alternative happy endings that match my own.
Because it will be a happy ending, just not the one that most people expect.
I just found your blog yesterday and am enjoying it. I especially like this photo!
I have very mixed feelings about the happy endings stories. I guess I wish there were more stories being told about the whole range of experiences infertile people have.
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Hi snowdroplets, thanks for that. I’d hate to sound bitter because that’s not how I feel, but I do wish they’d reflect the other side of the story as bit more.
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Exactly, it will be a happy ending, just not the one that most people expect. I am saying the same.
Wishing you all the best!
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Thank you Klara!
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Mark this date on the calendar. You ventured into the comments section AND a bit of your faith in humanity was restored. You deserve a drink or four. I avoid comments sections like the plague because they make my blood pressure rise to unsafe levels.
I completely agree that the photo with the kids should have been at the top. It would have told you all that you need to know without having to waste time or energy to read the article. I mean, let’s face it, most people reading an article about how overwhelming IVF is are probably going through it, considering it, or have been through it. In other words, they’re in an emotionally fragile state and they don’t need a pretty picture of someone who “won” to smack them in the face.
I do wish that the spectrum of experiences received more coverage. It’s not couples who aren’t able to have children are a new phenomenon.
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Ha thanks BnB. That’s so true that about the people reading it; I always think of the ones going through it who are struggling and might have to give up… Then there’s also that fairly huge segment of commenters who are violently against ART and want us to save the orphans instead… I’m a bit masochistic, I always tend to go into the comments for some reason..
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Your comment is priceless, BNB…absolutely priceless! 🙂
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You’re definitely not alone. I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve yet to read an infertility article in the mainstream media that didn’t end with “but it was all worth it in the end”. I wonder though is the lack of the other side of the story maybe because they’ve no volunteers? I know if an newspaper approached me about it I’d tell them where to go!
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Thanks a mil for stopping by – that’s so true, you rarely get the other side… I know it’s a sensitive subject, but I’m properly fascinated about why there aren’t many alternative stories…
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I wish that they had put the second photo at the top too. I feel like the authors chose the picture of the family of two to entice readers to see if the couple got their IVF baby (babies), which can be cruel for the bulk of us where IVF didn’t produce children.
BTW, your photo is spectacular and breathtaking (I wish I was there right now).
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Hey thanks (re the photo) – it’s the midnight sun in Norway: Lofoten Isles
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I forget the exact statistics, but if IVF success rates are only 30%, that means it fails 70% of the time… in which case, shouldn’t 70% of all media stories about IVF feature couples who weren’t successful?? 😉
Couldn’t resist playing devil’s advocate. 😉
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Absolutely… it’s all such a swizz
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